Mar 17 2009
Today is My “Fat” Anniversary
Today is the day that I officially became a fat person. How can I remember the exact date? Well, today is my son’s 27th birthday, Happy Birthday Chris! Before I became pregnant with him, I stood at 5 feet 8 inches tall and weighed 155 pounds. During my pregnancy, I went food crazy and gained a whopping 75 pounds! I’ll never forget the doctor asking me “So Vicki, do you think this is all baby wieght?” Of course I didn’t think that, but I was pretty confident that I would lose it all. After my son was born, I weighed just over 200 pounds. I managed to lose maybe 10 more pounds over the next few years and keep my weight down just under 200. Then, 3 years later, I was pregnant again with my now 24 year old daughter. I only gained about 35 pounds with her, but after she was born, I weighed 212 and could not lose it. With the stress of a full time job and 2 children, I dealt by eating. I became a closet eater, so to the outside world, it seemed like I was doing all the right things, but I knew better. I knew about the cookies and candy bars that I had hidden in dresser drawers, the closet and even in a hidden compartment in the trunk of my car.
I stayed at about 225-235 until 1995 when I started losing weight without trying. I was elated, but I felt awful! That was when I was diagnosed with diabetes and after that, it bacame a losing battle for me to keep off the pounds. After getting on insulin and getting my sugars under control, my weight began to creep up…245…250…255… and up it went. Then came the Rheumatoid Arthritis, less activity….. 260…. 265… you get the picture. Now here I am just at 300 pounds (there I said it! ).
My husband of 8 years is at 325 and he is scheduled for a consultation for gastric bypass, beginning next month. I am seriously considering doing it as well, that or Lap Band, haven’t decided yet. Mine will have to wait until his is done and over due to the expense, but that my friends, is a topic for another post.
Fat is such a harsh word to use!! I dont know what else to say except hang in there, its the person inside that matters!! what do your grown children say about this?? addiction is tough circle to break, maybe blogging will be a way to address the concerns you have.
I think you are brave to say this in this forum!!
http://www.dpsmusings.today.com
DPSMusings: Thank you for your comment. My children do encourage me to lose weight, and I have tried, but it has been an uphill battle.
Blindedbyblonde: Thank you for your comment. I would like to point out that I never once in my post said I had an addiction, in fact, now in my more recent years, I don’t eat much at all, rarely snack and never binge. My body, however continues to require insulin injections which causes one to gain and retain weight. For the record, Bulimia, Anorexia, Compulsive eating ARE very real addictions. Maybe you need to get your facts straight before you judge on things you do not understand. Thanks for stopping by!
Catch 22 in some ways isn’t it? Weight loss is hard work and being able to do the hard work takes decent health which typically one doesn’t have if they are really overweight…. Ugh!
Stephanie: You’re right, it is a catch 22, and anyone who hasn’t “been there, done that” can not possibly understand. I myself used to look at obese people like myself and think “How could they let themselves get that fat?” Now I understand that they don’t “WANT” to be fat, but alot of things are involved… but that’s another post..
Thanks for stopping by and for the comment. I hope you are feeling better! Hugs!
Jean Romero: Good for you! Wow! Those are stories I love to hear! Congratulations! Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, I do want to be around for my kids and my grandchildren, I do plan on giving myself the gift. How generous of you to offer to talk to me. I will email you soon. God bless you! Hugs!
Bless your heart. Good on you for being open and honest.
I hope your husband’s surgery is successful and then you can have yours because you deserve it.
And congrats to Jean Romero!
Discussions about dieting, weight management, exercise, the obesity epidemic in the US, and globesity seem to produce so many self-appointed “experts” which is ironic considering professionals in the field of eating disorders, doctors, nutritionists, dietitians, trainers, and exercise instructors don’t agree across the board on what is healthy eating and exercise.
I had my first three food binges when I was 12 years old. They started the week after I told my uncle who had been molesting me since I was 5 that he better stop because I started having my periods. My mother never had “the talk” with me so I didn’t know the facts, but did know I was capable of getting pregnant.
In 7 years of being molested, that was the one and only time I ever spoke to him while the molestation was happening. I was TERRIFIED of him.
That week, on three separate occasions, I binged. I ate an entire family-size can of spaghetti and meatballs (I was a very small girl), spinach left over from supper, and a box of Girl Scout cookies.
Each time, after binging, I spontaneously vomited.
Like you know when your weight gain began, I know when my eating disorder began that week.
I relate to “I became a closet eater, so to the outside world, it seemed like I was doing all the right things, but I knew better. I knew about the cookies and candy bars that I had hidden in dresser drawers, the closet and even in a hidden compartment in the trunk of my car.”
I’ve eaten in secret, hid food, stole food, ate all my daughter’s Halloween candy and lied about it, lied about how much I ate, lied and said I was eating when I was starving, went to fancypants dinners in highfalutin restaurants in Vegas with men I didn’t care about because I wanted the free food fix, and purged to the point all I could manage to eat was baby food.
I met my husband at an AA meeting during this time. I was attracted to him because he was deaf and couldn’t hear my constant puking.
My body was so screwed up from bulimia I no longer had periods. I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was 161/2 weeks along. I stopped purging during the rest of my pregnancy (thank you sweet Jesus). I stood on the scales backwards when they weighed me at my OB’s office because the numbers on the scale triggered me like crazy.
My daughter did not have the prenatal care she needed and deserved for 161/2 weeks because of my eating disorder.
I have an injury at S1 and S2 from flying backwards off a treadmill during an exercise purge.
This (and there is much, much, more) to say, I know I am a food addict. I know I am bulimic. I know have an eating disorder. My relationship with food was not normal or healthy until I got help.
One of the many myths is it’s self inflicted- that I could have somehow prevented all this if only I would have– That’s all bullshit. If I could have willed it away I certainly would have. God knows I tried over and over and over, but the result was nil.
No matter what YOU call it, because it’s yours, I hope you have a way to have your circumstances make sense, and you get all the help you need and deserve very soon.
And happy birthday to your son!
(((HUGS)))
Roxie
Roxie: I’m so sorry for the terrible ordeal of your childhood. That is something that you never quite recover from. It’s a small wonder that you had the addictive personality that you have had. Many people say that I am courageous to share my story here, but YOU are the courageous one my dear!! Thank you for your stories, I know that you are saving lives with your blog posts! Hang tough sweetheart! (((HUGS)))
Yummy: I know what you mean, it’s a tough battle. If you can’t go for a walk, lie on your back and do leg raises or crunches, just something to get your heart beating, maybe yoga? Don’t let your weight get so out of control, like I did. Believe me, it’s tough to take it off! Keep fighting!
TheHabe: Thank you for your kind words, and for linking to my blog :D, that makes me happy. Great post btw!
Angela: Actually, having the surgery makes it impossible to eat the wrong things in large portions without getting sick, and the big PLUS here is that if I lose 50-100 lbs…. I probably won’t need insulin anymore, maybe even not be diabetic anymore!! That would be awesome! Stay tuned, I am going to post about Gastric Surgery and Lap Band procedure when i find out more about them. I hope you are doing better sweetie, hang in there and keep fighting those demons back! You are more courageous than I am. Anyone can look at me and know that I am significantly overweight, it’s no secret battle for me. Keep up the good fight!!. God Bless.
Thank you all so much for commenting!!