Feb 25 2009
Depression and Chronic Illness
I was visiting some of my favorite blogs today and I came across , who posted a very good piece on “When 
You Feel Like Crying. After I read her blog, I was inspired to post about depression with chronic illness, because I know first hand how real this problem is.
A little history on my health issues if you are new to my blog or is you need a refresher course. First off, I deal with chronic pain on a daily basis due to Rheumatoid Arthritis , and live on a regimine of 800 mg Ibuprofen 3 times a day, plus Hydrocodone (yes, Vicodin) up to four times a day as needed (I usually take maybe 2 as I don’t want to become more dependent than I am already since I’ve been taking it for about 4 years now), Ok, sometimes I take 3 in a day, but not at once because it makes me nausous and I puke if I take too much! And I take 1 injection of Enbrel weekly. Anyway I digress.
I also have Diabetes , and for this I take 2 different types of insulin, one for 24 hour control, which I take once a day. This one takes my glucose levels down a few levels. Then there is a short acting one I am supposed to take at each meal (hah! Yeah… not always convenient, but I try), so essentually, I take injections at a minimum of 3-4 times a day, no real pain, just a burning now and then if I hit a nerve, I take my shots in my stomach, hurts less and goes to work quicker plus it’s more convenient for me.
Now, the Graves disease . Graves is, in a nutshell, hyper thyroidism (whice translates out to high thyroid levels), this makes my heart beat fast and so hard that I can sometimes see it beating through my shirt, high blood pressure and anxiety, not to mention the weird dreams I have when it’s acting up (maybe a future post?) not a very nice feeling. I take a pill twice a day for that now, but if it gets worse, they will dissolve my thyroid with radiation therapy and I will then have to worry about low thyroid.. not good either because I am already weigh in at over 250 pounds and low thyroid makes you gain weight (along with diabetes).
Last but not least, I have chronic depression . I have suffered this disorder my entire life. At first I thought it was because of my stressful life living at home with my mother and practically raising her 5 kids after my father left (I was 11), but as I grew older, my insecurities and low self esteem, lack of friends (who has time when you are raising 4 siblings?) made a perfect breeding ground for the depression bug to set in and take up permanent residence in my brain! Now as a 51 year old woman, I realize that it is a 
genetic problem, my new doc believes it may be Bi-Polar 2 disorder. Something I have never heard of until recently. I thought no way i could be bi-polar because don’t have hugely manic episodes, but I definitely have the lows, but now that Bi polar 2 is here, as much as I hate to admit it, Doc thinks I have it. Wonderful! Sheesh!
So to make a long story longer short, I am on depression medications, I cry, I become angry for no reason, I feel lethargic and try to convince my self that I am ok, but I’m not. I really want to have a happy life. My granddaughter has been asking to go to Disneyland and as much as I would love to take her, the thought of walking around Disneyland, while it sounds great, scares the hell out of me! I know I will be in pain, I’ll have to closely monitor all the snacks I eat, and I’ll have to be sure to project the “fun gramma” I truly want to be, after all, it’s not her fault! Fortunately, I have a very, very understanding and loving husband. He dotes and worrys about me way too much.
My reasoning for this post is that you will think about this and don’t suffer, if you feel depressed about having to live your life around your illness/disorder or what ever you prefer to call it, talk to your doctor about depression, you might be surprised at how much better you feel. Did you know that depression can cause you physical pain?? Check it out here if you would like to learn more about how to deal with your chronic illness and live your life. Take good care of yourself, love yourself, be as happy as possible.
I’m not one who thinks people should have surgery instead of going on a diet, or increasing their physical activity; but wonder if you might be a good person to have surgery? The weight makes your diabetes worse, the weight makes your arthritis worse; so if you could get your weight under control you would probably feel better, and if you feel physical better, generally that helps the depression. I’m not up to speed on the other situation; but wonder if you might be able to improve you current situation?
Improved physical activity always helps depression, and yet with your pain, I would imagine increasing your physical activity is hard, and limiting your physical activity makes you gain more weight etc. A ficious circle?
Water aerobics is a good tool, one that doesn’t put strain on joints which is always a concern with arthritis. Have you contacted the arthritis society in your area? I’ve heard through some friends they can be very helpful.
Good luck to you
Sandy
Thank you Sandy for your suggestions. In fact, yes I am a candidate for Lap Band surgery, but this will have to wait until we can better afford it. I know that losing weight will make me feel better, I have tried all my “fat life” to lose weight, but it’s not as easy as you might think. Being diabetic and on insulin is “fattening” in and of itself. Anyway, that is for another post. I could go on and on. So many factors… so, thanks again for your comment.
I am sorry that you deal with all of this on a daily basis. Lately I have been struggling with constant pain in addition to some other pre-existing conditions including PMDD and depression.
I think that your post is wonderful and makes me feel less alone, and for that I thank you.
Thank you Slcolman. I have been following your blog on your health problems. I’m so sorry you are having such a hard time getting results! Any type of pain or ailment on a regular basis can cause depression. Keep your chin up, you will prevail!
And no, you are not alone.
Wow, you are going through a lot. That’s good that you recognized the depression and got treatment so it. Your positive attitude sounds like it helps you.
It’s wonderful for you to share your journey so others on the same path will know they are not alone. My mother is one of nine children, and eight of them (including my mother) are diabetic, as was my grandmother, many of my cousins, and so am I. We range from morbidly obese, to looking like sticks. We have various symptoms- from gangrene of the foot to renal insufficiency to blindness. One thing I learned from this is how the same disease can affect each of us differently, and to listen to my body and pay attention to my symptoms. I’m rather driven and I want to keep moving forward and I have to consciously put forth effort to take care of myself. Like you, I was the oldest and my mother was a career woman by design so I cooked and cleaned and took care of my younger brother and sister. Taking care of myself doesn’t come naturally to me. But in recovery, I’m learning. I’m glad you’re getting medical care and hope your situation improves.
(((HUGS)))
Roxie
Caregivingdaughter: Well, to be honest, even though it’s difficult at times, you know getting a job where I don’t have to stand for long periods and all, it’s not as bad as it sounds here I suppose. I re read what I wrote just now and it really kind of looks a little whiney to me. LOL.. I almost deleted it but my hubby told me not to. Thanks for your kind comment, that helped too
Roxie: I have to tell you, you are my hero!
I can’t tell you how much you inspire me. You’re right, everyone’s bodies handle the same diseases differently.. For example, my extremely high blood glucose when I was diagnosed, I know a woman who went into convulsions and then a coma for a few days when her BG was 400 something, me? I just hurt and peed alot ! haha.. strange how are metabolisms differ. You seem to be heading in the right direction. Keep posting your wonderfully informative posts, I love them and I believe they help alot of people. You are the reason that I have changed my focus here to be more health oriented. HUGS back!!
Hi!
Visited your blog for the first time and felt really touched. I salute your spirit of tackling all the problems and still staying so positive… Very few people have the courage to do this…love you for this…I wish you good health and lots of happiness.
gazal
http://healthnbeauty.today.com/
Gazal: Thank you so much for your words, they really mean alot to me to read them. I hope you come back again soon!
Sherrose: You’re welcome! I figure to give credit where credit is due is a must! I really enjoy your blog. Thank you for the comment and you take care!