fattyprejudice

I was visiting some of my favorite blogs today and I came across living with chronic illness, who posted a very good piece on “When  You Feel Like Crying.   After I read her blog, I was inspired to post about depression with chronic illness, because I know first hand how real this problem is.

A little history on my health issues if you are new to my blog or is you need a refresher course.  First off, I deal with chronic pain on a daily basis due to Rheumatoid Arthritis , and live on a regimine of 800 mg Ibuprofen 3 times a day, plus Hydrocodone (yes, Vicodin) up to four times a day as needed (I usually take maybe 2 as I don’t want to become more dependent than I am already since I’ve been taking it for about 4 years now), Ok, sometimes I take 3 in a day, but not at once because it makes me nausous and I  puke if I take too much! And I take 1 injection of Enbrel weekly. Anyway I digress.

I also have Diabetes , and for this I take 2 different types of insulin, one for 24 hour control, which I take once a day.  This one takes  my glucose levels down a few levels.  Then there is  a short acting one I am supposed to take at each meal (hah! Yeah… not always convenient, but I try), so essentually, I take injections  at a minimum of 3-4 times a day, no real pain, just a burning now and then if I hit a nerve, I take my shots in my stomach, hurts less and goes to work quicker plus it’s more convenient for me.

Now, the Graves disease .  Graves is, in a nutshell, hyper thyroidism (whice translates out to  high thyroid levels), this makes my heart beat fast and so hard that I can sometimes see it beating through my shirt, high blood pressure and anxiety, not to mention the weird dreams I have when it’s acting up (maybe a future post?) not a very nice feeling.   I take a pill twice a day for that now, but if it gets worse, they will dissolve my thyroid with radiation therapy and  I will then have to worry about low thyroid.. not good either because I am already weigh in at over 250 pounds and low thyroid makes you gain weight (along with diabetes).

Last but not least, I have chronic depression . I have suffered this disorder my entire life.  At first I thought it was because of my stressful life living at home with my mother and practically raising her 5 kids  after my father left (I was 11), but as I grew older, my insecurities and low self esteem, lack of friends (who has time when  you are raising 4 siblings?) made a perfect breeding ground for the depression bug to set in and take up permanent residence in my brain!  Now as a 51 year old woman, I realize that it is a genetic problem, my new doc believes it may be Bi-Polar 2 disorder.  Something I have never heard of until recently. I thought no way i could be bi-polar because  don’t have hugely manic episodes, but I definitely have the lows, but now that Bi  polar 2 is here, as much as I hate to admit it, Doc thinks I have it. Wonderful!  Sheesh!

So to make a long story longer short, I am on depression medications, I cry, I become angry for no reason, I feel lethargic and try to convince my self that I am ok, but I’m not.  I really want to have a happy life.  My granddaughter has been asking to go to Disneyland and as much as I would love to take her, the thought of walking around Disneyland, while it sounds great, scares the hell out of me!   I  know I will be in  pain, I’ll have to closely monitor all the snacks I eat, and I’ll have to be sure to project the “fun gramma” I truly want to be, after all, it’s not her fault!  Fortunately, I have a very, very understanding and loving husband.  He dotes and worrys about me way too much.

My reasoning for this post is that you will think about this and don’t suffer, if you feel depressed about having to live your life around your illness/disorder or what ever  you prefer to call it, talk to your doctor about depression, you might be surprised at how much better you feel.  Did you  know that depression can cause you physical pain??   Check it out here if you would like to learn more about how to deal with your chronic illness and live your life.  Take good care of  yourself, love yourself, be as happy as possible.

I was diagnosed with diabetes in 1995.  I had lost 45 pounds and should have felt great, but physically  I felt like I had been run over by a truck and then had big rocks thrown at me.  My mouth felt like a desert, I  just could not get enough liquid in me.  My body ached everywhere and I had to urinate several times an hour.  At the time I was Continue Reading »

Do you run to the refrigerator when you get frustrated?  Stop at the nearest mini mart for a quick snack when work has you frazzled? Want to bury your sorrows in a pint of ice cream?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you, my friend are an emotional eater.  I know I am.  I grew up in a very stressful environment and as far back as I can remember, my cravings for food seemed to rule my life.  I managed to stay slim during my younger years, I believe, only because we were poor and there wasn’t usually extra food in Continue Reading »

Our society has produced more obese people than ever before.  Whether it is due to our more sedentary life styles,  easier access to fast food, genetics or all of the above doesn’t really matter.  The number of morbidly obese persons in the United States has more than doubled since the 1980’s, according to an article called “Causes of Obesity” at Continue Reading »


Glitter Graphics
Happy Valentine’s Day Everyone! I hope you are having a wonderful day and are dripping in chocolate and swimming in kisses.  Valentine’s Day really is overrated, I mean it’s wonderful to celebrate your love and all, but you should show it all year round, not just on Valentine’s Day.  Give him a card just because, bring her flowers just because.  Remember, there are 364 other days to say I love you.

If you are not celebrating with someone special, not to worry, there will be another V- day next year.  Cupid has plenty of arrows that he is shining up for you, so enjoy the day but keep it real! :).  Love one another each and every day. Ciao!

While trying to find things pertaining to being overweight, my husband and I have been scouring the internet. We Americans (and I’m sure we are not alone) have turned to fast food for many reasons. Some of us are just too tired to come home after a long day of working for a living, and make a good hearty healthy dinner. Instead, we may stop by McDonalds for a burger, or Pizza Hut for a Pizza. Some of us might call our spouses and ask them to meet us at the mom and pop restaurant on the corner, you know the one. On the weekends, we just might not feel like 3 square meals a day so we step out again, and before we know it, we find ourselves eating dinner out 3, maybe 4 nights a week, not to mention lunch on our working days.

My husband found this website called “this is why you’re fat “.. go ahead, check it out, we’ll wait.  When you finish looking, leave me a comment and tell me what you think.  Oh and don’t forget to have some Pepto ready,  you’ll need it!

Well here it is, already February 8th already, wow! How time flies!  6 more days until Valentines Day and I have nothing planned for my hubby, mostly because we have no money.  I guess it will be a quiet evening in, no flowers, no candy, maybe a card.  Valentine’s Day isn’t something big in Germany, so I don’t think he’ll make a big deal about it either, well maybe, he is pretty romantic and all.  I used to be romantic until life got in the way. Now I feel like holidays like this are more of a pain in the butt than anything else.  My theory is that Valentine’s day was invented by the greeting card marketers and propogated by other retailers like jewelers, candy makers and florists.  Following is the definition according to Wikipedia .   What is your theory??

“Valentine’s Day or Saint Valentine’s Day is a holiday celebrated on February 14 by many people throughout the world. In the West, it is the traditional day on which lovers express their love for each other by sending Valentine’s cards, presenting flowers, or offering confectionery. The holiday is named after two among the numerous Early Christian martyrs named Valentine. The day became associated with romantic love in the circle of Geoffrey Chaucer in the High Middle Ages, when the tradition of courtly love flourished.

An alternative theory from Belarus states that the holiday originates from the story of Saint Valentine, who upon rejection by his mistress was so heartbroken that he took a knife to his chest and sent her his still-beating heart as a token of his undying love for her. Hence, heart-shaped cards are now sent as a tribute to his overwhelming passion and suffering. ^[1]

The day is most closely associated with the mutual exchange of love notes in the form of “valentines.” Modern Valentine symbols include the heart-shaped outline, doves, and the figure of the winged Cupid. Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards.^[2] The sending of Valentines was a fashion in nineteenth-century Great Britain, and, in 1847, Esther Howland developed a successful business in her Worcester, Massachusetts home with hand-made Valentine cards based on British models. The popularity of Valentine cards in 19th-century America was a harbinger of the future commercialization of holidays in the United States.^[3]

The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year behind Christmas. The association estimates that women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines^[4].”